November

So I think it's more than about time for me to be held accountable for my actions, recently I've been in a bit of a rubbish place due to one thing or another but I've come to the conclusion, this is not me, wallowing in my sorrows and eating myself into oblivion isn't going to help any situation at all.

I'll give you a bit of a back story as to why I've been a bit down in the dumps. On September 25th I was on my way to work when I was involved in a car crash which involved two other cars and a lorry. It sounds a lot worse than what it was, but it wasn't great either, I had to be lifted out of my car by paramedics and taken to hospital in an ambulance for further tests and x-rays to find out the extent of the damage to me. Luckily nobody was seriously injured, I ended up with whip lash and muscle damage to my neck, shoulders and back. I'm currently having to take pain killers every day, having physiotherapy and acupuncture to help with my recovery.

Unfortunately my poor little car didn't make it through, he was only a year old, but he did save my life, he has been classed as 'beyond economical repair', so now I'm going to have to look into getting another car, but currently have a hire car to get me from A to B in the mean time.

ANYWAY so that's the predominate reason I've been down in the dumps, last year I suffered with quite chronic Anxiety and Depression and I felt like I was slipping into old ways. Due to my injuries I'm not allowed to physically exert myself until I've recovered, because of this I obviously can't do any exercise. Due to not being allowed to do any exercise, I've clearly seen this as an excuse to eat nothing but rubbish and I'm definitely starting to feel the effects of using food to cheer myself up. Top Tip, don't use food as comfort, if you're feeling low, talk to a friend or family or exercise. Exercise releases happy endorphins which get your engines revving and gets you "feeling yourself".

So enough of this destructive behaviour, I've had a word with myself and I'm taking full accountability of my actions, my excessive financial spending, eating rubbish and just essentially letting myself rot. This will not be happening anymore, there is no benefit from slowly but surely destroying yourself. I've decided to get myself back on track by setting some November goals which are as follows:

• Take control of my diet - Stop turning to fast food, coffee and ice cream every time I need cheering up and also stop using the 'hibernation' time of year as an excuse than it is socially acceptable to fatten up (it's not).
• Get down to 12 Stone - I for now will have to do this diet alone until I'm back up and running but me and my 12st 10.7lb arse will get ourselves sorted. 
• Drink more water - My fluid in take consists of primarily wine and coffee (I know, not great is it), so I will aim to drink at least 2 litres of water a day and drink more herbal tea and keep coffee strictly as treats.
• Sort my finances - I'm not in any debt or anything it's more a case of stop spending my money on rubbish and start saving as much as possible.
• Be more productive - I have been slacking on this blogging malarky, I have content inspo, but I've been too wrapped up in wallowing in my own misery to actually do anything productive.
• Enjoy life - It's silly really, when something as dramatic as a nasty car crash happens, it's meant to put your life into perspective, I've been so wrapped up in the stress and misery of it all. I've forgotten to appreciate, I am still alive, I still get to breathe and you wouldn't believe how often people take life for granted. I aim to live every second I have and make every second count for something.

It's not all bad, just after the car crash me and Dan had been to a local rural theme housing estate that we absolutely fell in love with, went to see the show home and was sold straight away. Then the tough stuff came, was there a house available for us? Could we afford it? Would we get a mortgage? Well I can answer all of those questions for you, there are 4 houses on the housing estate which have been built but cannot be released for purchasing until the other houses around them have been built and deemed as safe. So me and Dan have been watching the housing estate's website like a hawk waiting for them to be released. But in that time, we have been approved for the house affordability check AND got a mortgage offer secured, so the moment the house is released, we can buy it. So it's pretty exciting to think this time next year me and Dan could be home owners and living in our first home together, plus I get to pimp the house out however I like.

As a summary, I have come to terms with how I have been and how destructive to myself I've been, I'm coming to terms with loving myself and thought I would treat myself to a new hairstyle too (which I will post underneath). I turn 24 in a few days, I want to be able to look back in a year and say I took control of a situation I thought I couldn't and look at how far I have come. I will make sure I get back to posting at least once a week and give you regular updates about my journey to self love.

Just remember you're a bad ass and you can take whatever life throws at you, you are better than this and you can fight your demons.

All my love,

Bex