Time has a way of showing us what really matters

Morning lovelies,

I know! I haven't posted since April 2016, which I have no real excuse for apart from being particularly uninspired and being caught up in the whirl wind of buying a house, getting cats and generally being old. Which got me reminiscaint of my past and what I've achieved with my life since leaving school. Unfortunately I've not always had the best health and spent between the ages of 11 and 19 suffering with collapsing spells which could often cause me to be hospitalised and was never fully diagnosed as to what the cause was.

I spent a lot of that time feeling sorry for myself, I couldn't work as I could collapse at any moment, I couldn't be left on a bad day to even wash on my own, I wasn't able to learn to drive like all my friends were doing for obvious reasons and as far as I was concerned I would never really live a 'normal' life. As previously stated these collapsing spells came to a halt at the age of 19 and when I turned 20 I was able to start learning to drive.

But it made me think about all that time I had spent feeling sorry for myself, I had all of that free time on my hands, I could of learned a new skill, a hobby, a language, achieved all of the same thing my new years resolutions always are. But I didn't I was so consumed with my own self pity, I wasted those years and I have absolutely nothing to show for it.

But this isn't a tale of remorse, regret or sorrow, this is a story of realisation, that all of that time that was spent wallowing in sadness could of been used in a productive way, the only thing that truly stopped me from doing so, was me. It's always the same story every year, whether I have poor health or not. There is always some excuse as to why I cannot achieve my goals. Every year is the same excuses, I don't have the time, I don't have the money, I don't have the resources or I just generally can't be bothered.

I am so sick of this mentality, I have spent so long procrastinating, I have nothing to show for it. 2016 was probably the year I actually achieved the most I had in a long time. I took the next step in my relationship with my Boyfriend and bought our own home, we took on two kittens; Sterling and Archer, I've been able to fully fend and provide for myself and live independently, had fun times with friends and family, became the lowest weight I have been since being a child and potentially the biggest of them all, I have decided to take full accountability for my mental health and commenced a course of CBT treatment (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which has helped me come to terms with why I have certain thought processes, how to break down years of grief and sadness and being able to channel it into positive thoughts and processes.

After the success of 2016, I want to enter 2017 with an all guns blazing approach, I plan to go hard or go home, since being able to deal with anxiety more affectively, I truly feel like the only thing that will ever stop me from achieving the same goals is me, it's always been me and now things are going to change.

All my love,

Bex

10 ways to improve your life

With Summer currently rearing it's lovely head, I feel like it's that time of year to post about how you can improve your life. Ever feel down or miserable but can't quite put your finger on why? There are several things you could be doing to make you unhappy and there are 10 things you can do to help improve your happiness and your life.

Things that could be causing you to be unhappy without you realising

1. Diet and exercise are a biggy, if you're continuously eating shite and never getting off your arse you are going to feel low about yourself, you're also not getting all the nutrients you need from that Big mac.
2. The people you surround yourself with could be having a massive effect on your well being, if they are constantly knocking themselves and everyone around them down, they are going to be a bit of a downer to be around.
3. Putting yourself down - If someone compliments you, accept it with open arms, don't try and find flaws within yourself before anyone else does.
4. Closing yourself off - there are probably people around you who are aware you aren't quite feeling yourself and they want to help you. But if you close yourself off from them, they can't knock down your walls, thats up to you. 
5. You worry - as the saying goes "worrying won't change the outcome". Worrying just puts extra stress on a potentially already stressful time, try and let go of any anxiety about situations that could be worrying you and come what may.
6. Holding grudges never made anyone happy, I am all too aware of this, someone may have really pissed you off, but build a bridge and get over it.
7. Comparing yourself to others is never going to be the root of happiness, "I wish I had her clothes",  "I wish I had her hair", "I wish I had her body". Rather than spending all your time and energy on things your not and things you don't have, focus on being the best version of you, something other people can aspire to.
8. You don't make time for the right things - once again, I am a culprit for this, rather than spending my time exercising, reading, meeting up with friends and enjoying life. I spend my weekends being a slob, in bed watching Netflix and not being even slightly productive.
9. Being a perfectionist - once again, I have such high expectations of myself and everything I do, that it's completely unachievable which means my goals aren't attainable, so I'll never be happy,   it's good to strive for perfection, but don't situate your whole life around achieving unobtainable goals. 
10. You're in debt - A large amount of the population are losing sleep every night due to impending debts, find a way to manage your debts. Do you really need that new handbag? Or would you prefer to clear a big debt and sleep easy knowing you won't have people bashing down your door demanding money?

10 ways to improve your life and your happiness

1. Stop jumping to conclusions - Not everything is the worst case scenario, your boyfriend isn't cheating on you, people don't think you're fat and you're not going to lose your job. All of this unnecessary anxiety is a massive drain on you and a complete waste of energy.
2. Don't hang on to the past - There may have been some pretty shitty things that happened in your past, which may have caused you to lose faith or trust in people, or cause you to be anxious about certain scenarios. Hanging onto the past is just holding you back and stopping you from obtaining happiness.
3. Manage your finances - If you can afford to do so, set up a direct debit from your current account to your savings account, that way you can save up for something that you've wanted but could never afford. Also stop spending money on unneeded crap, stop being so materialistic and stop wasting money on food (This is particularly aimed at me).
4. Set Goals - Not even massive unrealistic goals, but goals that are achievable and will make you feel accomplished. Save £500, lose 10lbs, stop wasting money, etc.
5. Feel good about yourself - Do one thing a day that will make you feel good about yourself, whether that is doing a work out, having a bubble bath, having a face mask or a glass of wine. Just do something which makes you feel good about you.
6. Take time for yourself - Similar to the above, we all lead hectic lives and schedules, sometimes I honestly don't have time to scratch my arse. I get home after a long day at work and the last thing I want to do is the cleaning and cooking. Even if it's just an hour out of your day, take that hour for yourself. Have a glass of wine, grab a book and run yourself a nice bath, or whatever you kids like to do. 
7. Try and identify what has been causing you to feel unhappy - Whether its a few extra pounds you want to lose, your boss has been giving you grief at work, you don't feel like you spend enough quality time with your partner or you just feel so stressed beyond recognition due to not having a spare moment in the day. Identify what is making you feel unhappy, then create a plan of action as to how you can improve that problem. Focusing on a healthier lifestyle, having a meeting with your boss about your work load, having a chat with your partner and arranging a 'date night' so there is always time set aside for you both and trying to manage your time more effectively, by using a to-do list so you know what jobs need doing and how urgently.
8. Clean your house - Out with the old, in with the new, have a massive detox and clean everything top to bottom. You'll be amazed as to how much difference decluttering can have on your mind set. 
9. Get off your phone - It's all well and good to use twitter/facebook/instagram, play social media games, whatever your cup of tea is. But don't let it control your life, quite often you hear people say, there's not enough hours in the day or they don't know where the time goes. Well let me tell you, it's staring at your phone. Set aside time to browse whatever social media you fancy, but then get on with your day, you'll find you have a lot more time on your hands.
10. Get a good night's sleep - Also relating to the above, quite often people don't get to sleep until very late because they do their bed time routine, get into bed and just go to quickly check Facebook and BAM! 2 hours have passed which you could of been sleeping for. When it's time for bed, set an alarm for you to start getting ready for bed, then put your phone out of reach. You'll be shocked the difference it makes.

Hope this helps anyone who is in a bit of a slump and wants to get back on track.

All my love,

Bex

You're not crazy, you're human

Now I had a few other ideas on what my next blog post should be about, but I felt like after recent events, this subject is so close to home I wanted to get a few things off my chest.

Mental health is a very serious illness, whether it is depression, anxiety, panic attacks, bi polar or any other mental health issues. It is a debilitating condition, it creeps in to every thought, and it is no less serious than any other disease.

With my job role I am very aware of the lack of support for people with mental health conditions, mental health conditions can be triggered by so many different things, from big to small, it can effect anyone and it doesn't discriminate. I have calls from people of all ages ringing with crippling mental health conditions where they aren't always getting the support they need from the NHS and they feel like the only escape is ending their life. Let me tell you now, that isn't the solution and it's a very final decision.

From someone who throughout my short years have suffered with chronic depression, anxiety and panic attacks, there is a way out, it's managing your condition and learning to live with it, it's something which is always with you, but you learn to live with it.

In December 2014 I lost my Grandmother after a very brave fight with cancer, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer in March 2014, I was unbelievably close with her, she was like another Mother to me. I got the phone call while I was at work from my Dad to tell me she had passed away in hospital after contracting pneumonia. It felt like a house just fell on me, I collapsed hysterically, shaking like mad, all of those horrible thoughts about my own life came flooding back to me, I wanted to be with her, hold her hand, make sure she she's happy.

My Grandmother was very aware of my mental health issues, I feel like she blamed herself at times, due to her illness being part of the trigger of my pre-existing mental health condition. She always told me how life is precious, you only have one, embrace every second you have.

I can tell every one of you, mental health is crippling, as I was saying earlier on, it creeps in to every thought you have, if life is going brilliantly, someone or something in the back of your mind says to you everything is going to go tits up any second. What if I lost my job, how would I pay my bills, that would effect my credit rating, how would I get a mortgage? My Boyfriend would leave me because I can't get a mortgage with him (he wouldn't, but that's how your anxiety brain works, jumping to worst case scenario in seconds).

I find it a real struggle to talk about my anxiety and other mental health issues to people, sometimes I feel like if you haven't experienced it, it's a really bizarre thing to try and get your head around.  People have a real lack of understanding about mental health issues, "what's wrong with you?" "pull yourself together", "get over it", comments like this and the lack of understanding can be the trigger for someone with chronic mental health issues to make a more sinister decision.

If you know someone who has been suffering with mental health issues, you don't have to understand what they are going through, or how they feel, just be there for them, something as simple as this;

I can completely appreciate, it can be draining to support people with mental health issues, the purpose of this blog post was to make people more aware of the stigma surrounding mental health and how best to support yourself or someone you know suffering with the condition.

Now, support for mental health condition, as I said previously, I understand there is a significant lack of help within the NHS, but that is something which is slowly but surely changing.

There are so many brilliant charities these days to help people like us;

www.mind.org.uk

www.time-to-change.org.uk

www.sane.org.uk

www.samaritans.org

There are also lots of information on www.nhs.uk for local mental health services and support in your area.

Now there are also many different ways to help cope with your condition, Counselling is a fantastic one, just talking to someone, getting all that crap off your chest, makes you feel like a weight has been lifted. Support Groups, being in a room full of like minded people who understand completely where you are coming from, why you are feeling the way you are can be very beneficial. Speaking to your GP, now I know most people have the attitude, "my GP has better things to deal with, there are other people who are worse off than me that need more urgent help", NO let me nip that myth in the bud, THAT is what your GP is there for, it's there job, mental health is still an illness, you are just as important as anyone else who is sick and you need help just as much. Medication may be an option, it's not for everyone, but sometimes, if you really are feeling really low, it's something that with temporary use, may just help you get back on your way and where you need to be. Once again, that is something you can discuss with your doctor, if you don't contact them, how are they meant to know you are not in a good way.

REACH OUT, you are not alone, there are always people you can talk to, if it's in the middle of the night and you have thoughts racing through your head, ring your local mental health helpline, they are trained professionals who are there to have a chat and help you sort through your thoughts. Even 111, it's a free 24/7 service, or your local equivalent, either way, get it off your chest. Don't keep it cooped up, that's how things get worse before they can get better.

Anyway, I do hope I have been of some help/hope/support to you guys, please remember, you are never alone, even if you want to drop me a line just to chat, fling me an email in the contact tab.

Look after yourselves and remember it's time for a change, LET'S END MENTAL HEALTH STIGMA.

All my love,

Bex