Morning lovelies,
I know! I haven't posted since April 2016, which I have no real excuse for apart from being particularly uninspired and being caught up in the whirl wind of buying a house, getting cats and generally being old. Which got me reminiscaint of my past and what I've achieved with my life since leaving school. Unfortunately I've not always had the best health and spent between the ages of 11 and 19 suffering with collapsing spells which could often cause me to be hospitalised and was never fully diagnosed as to what the cause was.
I spent a lot of that time feeling sorry for myself, I couldn't work as I could collapse at any moment, I couldn't be left on a bad day to even wash on my own, I wasn't able to learn to drive like all my friends were doing for obvious reasons and as far as I was concerned I would never really live a 'normal' life. As previously stated these collapsing spells came to a halt at the age of 19 and when I turned 20 I was able to start learning to drive.
But it made me think about all that time I had spent feeling sorry for myself, I had all of that free time on my hands, I could of learned a new skill, a hobby, a language, achieved all of the same thing my new years resolutions always are. But I didn't I was so consumed with my own self pity, I wasted those years and I have absolutely nothing to show for it.
But this isn't a tale of remorse, regret or sorrow, this is a story of realisation, that all of that time that was spent wallowing in sadness could of been used in a productive way, the only thing that truly stopped me from doing so, was me. It's always the same story every year, whether I have poor health or not. There is always some excuse as to why I cannot achieve my goals. Every year is the same excuses, I don't have the time, I don't have the money, I don't have the resources or I just generally can't be bothered.
I am so sick of this mentality, I have spent so long procrastinating, I have nothing to show for it. 2016 was probably the year I actually achieved the most I had in a long time. I took the next step in my relationship with my Boyfriend and bought our own home, we took on two kittens; Sterling and Archer, I've been able to fully fend and provide for myself and live independently, had fun times with friends and family, became the lowest weight I have been since being a child and potentially the biggest of them all, I have decided to take full accountability for my mental health and commenced a course of CBT treatment (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which has helped me come to terms with why I have certain thought processes, how to break down years of grief and sadness and being able to channel it into positive thoughts and processes.
After the success of 2016, I want to enter 2017 with an all guns blazing approach, I plan to go hard or go home, since being able to deal with anxiety more affectively, I truly feel like the only thing that will ever stop me from achieving the same goals is me, it's always been me and now things are going to change.
All my love,
Bex
